Good Friday

Caroline has said out of the blue a couple of times recently, "I love God." Today she asked Jeff and me if we loved God. I said yes and Jeff said yes and then she asked Jeff "how much?" After he said, "very much," she replied with, "not as much as he loves you!"

She was in the backseat of the car drawing on a piece of paper when she started this conversation. She asked me, "What does a cross look like?" I pointed in the direction of (funny enough) a huge cross in the distance (in front of some kind of outreach center, I think). After drawing for a little bit she said, "I drew Jesus on the cross, see?"

I looked back to see her drawing of Jesus on the cross, as well as her version of a hand and a foot (separate from the cross drawing). She had the words to a song in her head, one that we sing at church and also have on CD--"a crown of thorns, pierced hands and feet [thus, the hand and foot], a body bruised, and mercy's plea." She had "written" the words to the song on the page as well.

She asked me, "what are thorns?"

I explained and so she added the crown of thorns to the picture. She asked why the men who put that crown on Jesus' head wanted to poke him, along with a few more questions relating to Jesus' beating and trial. "Why did the men want to hurt Jesus? Did Jesus know their names who hit him? Did he know that man's name who was standing on the stage (Pilate, depicted in her Bible on-stage before the crowd)?"

Then she asked, "What does 'mercy's plea' mean? Wow, I was thinking--deep stuff for a four-year-old . . . Jeff and I explained in a kind of tag-team fashion.

This is just one example of conversations we have been having almost weekly around here. A few weeks ago, Caroline said to me in a very sensitive, somewhat sad tone, "I wish they could have just kept killing lambs for sins and not have to kill Jesus."

Statements like this coming from her take me aback a bit at first, so I think for a minute and try to come up with an equally sensitive response. It's just so amazing to observe the Holy Spirit's working on such a little heart. I am truly thankful for our new church and the great teaching and music (which Caroline is just soaking up). I also really appreciate the illustrations and writing in Caroline's Big Picture Story Bible. Jeff and I have commented before that some of the text is probably too much for a little one to grasp (even referring specifically to the OT part concerning lambs and sacrifice), but apparently it is sinking in!

Christmas Resolutions

Caroline and I just finished our Christmas thank yous a couple days ago. Normally, this accomplishment would be the very last Christmas-related thing we would do. But I am doing something different this January than I have other years--still thinking about Christmas instead of packing it all up and storing it until next December. Every year after the holiday, I have a pretty good mental list of all the things I would like to do differently in the next year. But I don't stop and write anything down or spend time really thinking more about it once the new year gets underway.

So this year I am thinking more about Christmas resolutions than New Year's resolutions. I want to really evaluate how we celebrated Christ's birth this year and in years past and how we could do things differently in the future.

In 2006 I came across a website that outlines a plan for beginning Christmas preparations October 21 and completing everything by December 1. The idea is that if you follow this plan and do certain tasks each week, you will have a calmer, less stressful, and more joyful Christmas holiday and a more peaceful December.

The site offers helpful printables and articles, all for free. Whether or not you follow the outlined plan perfectly, it definitely provides some food for thought and an organizational framework. How nice would it be to have everything done by December 1 and then spend the rest of the month just enjoying family, observing traditions, and worshiping Jesus?

The concept is great, but I have to remember that there is more to a joyful Christmas than super organization--and that super organization, in and of itself, won't really transform my Christmas. Only Christ will. The centrality of Christ's birth at Christmas time is something I've always acknowledged, but I have also gotten caught up in all the goings on of the season and haven't let this truth really sink into my heart.

So I'm letting it sink in now, and I am thinking of ways to thank God for giving us Christ all throughout the year. And I am making plans for this December, even though it's January.

I was super excited in the midst of all this evaluating to find a book that deals specifically with incorporating into your family life daily routines and holiday traditions that center around God and honor him. It's called Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper. The night I found the book I was so eager to dig in that I read most of it online (available for free download). It is packed with insight and truth and excellent suggestions. I've borrowed a copy of the book from a friend and am going to go through it again throughout the rest of this month and think on the questions it poses:

Guiding Questions for all our Traditions all Year
(from Treasuring God in Our Traditions)

• What is my greatest treasure? What is most precious to me?
• How do I reflect and express that treasure in my life?
• How can I pass that treasure on to my children and others within my circle?
  

Along with this, I want to consider the questions I've been asking all along and give thought to what I would like to incorporate into next Christmas.

My Christmas Resolutions, in no certain order
and some of them only in question form:

In regard to gift giving and receiving

• Buy gifts as I think of them for someone all throughout the year and save them for Christmas
• Put more emphasis on the thought behind a gift than a spending amount
• Do something with Caroline to teach her about giving in general and, in particular, to those in need
• Evaluate how much we spend at Christmas just to spend and try to determine better ways to celebrate with that money (more giving, using it towards time together with family instead of lots of gifts)
• Emphasize giving over getting with Caroline and approach the presents like they are just an extra treat, not the main idea
  

In regard to being more organized

• What things did I really want to get done before Christmas this year and wasn't able to? (making some handmade or sentimental gifts, starting a new tradition with Caroline, reaching out to the neighbors with a small gift . . . )
• When can I make time to work on some of those ideas or gifts throughout the year in order to have them done by next Christmas?
• What can I do ahead of time this year in order to be more organized?
  

In regard to being more worshipful

• How do I acknowledge the significance of Christ's birth in my heart and through my actions?
• What can I do (activity, tradition) to acknowledge the significance of Christ's birth in our home?
• How can I prepare my heart for Christmas?
• What can we do as a family to teach Caroline the spiritual significance of Christmas?
  
• See Treasuring God questions . . .

So there you have it, in case you were wondering what was going in my head lately. :) Maybe I'll have to start a segment on this blog called, "What Amber thinks" since these things really have nothing to do with "what Caroline says. " I'll be back with plenty more of that, to be sure!

"I will tell him sorry."

Last night before bed, Caroline brought me her picture Bible and asked me to read from it. Before I could put away the book I was reading, she was already turning pages in hers. She said, "Let's read about when they're dead."

"When who's dead?" I asked.
"Jesus. About when they kill him and die him."

She got to the section of her Bible that deals with Jesus' death, pointed to a very simple and touching illustration of him on the cross and asked, "Why there's blood on it?"

"Because . . . (I had to think about how I wanted to put it) they put nails in his hands and feet so he would hang on the cross." This struck me as extremely gruesome at that moment.

"And that poked him?"
"Uh-huh."

"Why they did that?"
"Because they wanted to kill him."

"Why they wanted to kill him? They didn't like him?"
"No, they didn't."

"What were their names who killed him?"
"We don't know the names of everyone who killed him, but a lot of people were angry with him and wanted him to die."

Caroline turned the page and asked what they were doing there. I said that after Jesus died they took his body to bury it.

Next page--"and what there?"
"All the people who loved Jesus were together talking about him and missing him."

Next page--"and what there?"
"She is going to where Jesus is buried to think about him and remember him, like how we go to where Lindsey was buried to think about her and remember her."

Next page--looking at me, waiting . . .
"She finds out that Jesus isn't there anymore. He isn't dead."

She turns the pages quickly--
". . . and she goes to tell the other people"
". . . and they go and see that Jesus isn't there anymore"
". . . and they go to tell everybody"

"And what he's doing here?"
"Jesus comes to them and explains everything to them."

"Who got him to be alive--God?"
"Yes."

"Is he in Heaven with God?"
"Yes."

She thought for a minute, shook her head, and with her face down said, "Maybe if I can go to Heaven, I will tell him sorry."

"Sorry for what?"
"That he died."

I thought this was a very tender thing to say, and it warmed my heart to see her so touched. But I wanted to emphasize the hope of the story, so I explained to her, "Well, Jesus isn't dead anymore, remember? And you know what--it hurt him to die but he wanted to do it. You could tell him sorry that it hurt, but he wanted to do it so he could save us. He was so strong that he could have made the people not hurt him, but he let them kill him so that he could die in our place."

"Could God have maked them not kill him?"
"Yes, he could have, but he was letting them kill him so . . . so that we wouldn't have to die the same way he did."

I started to explain sin to her and how Jesus was paying for our sin. As I talked she was turning pages the other way in her Bible, and she came to the story about Lazarus and asked what was happening there. We switched from the topic of sin to the topic of graveclothes because she wanted to know why Lazarus was wearing all that white.

I sensed that our moment of "deep" conversation had come to an end, but I am certain she will come back to the topic soon. This challenges me to be even more prepared for the next round of questions. I think back to when I was very young and found the comfort and friendship of Jesus . . . how sweet to know Caroline can have this as well someday, maybe even soon.

I am really enjoying being a mother right now--we have so much to learn together and I can't tell you how exciting this is for me!